Me and the Moon
by RockinTheOC
Summary: When Julie's life is left in shambles there is only one thing left for her to do... One-shot, please R


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Rating: PG-13 for mature themes and language

Disclaimer: Although I'd like to take credit for creating these characters, I can't. I own nothing.

Author's Note: Since there aren't that many Julie Cooper stories out there, I thought I'd attempt to write one. She's a really complex character, and probably one of the most well drawn out characters on the show. This is a one shot, so if you like it, maybe I'll try writing some more fics about her. Enjoy, and tell me what you think!

Me and the Moon

This wasn't her year at all.

She shouldn't have been surprised, her life hadn't ever been a constant rainbow. She was beginning to think she was destined for misery. Nothing ever really went her way, and she should have known better than to believe that she was going to get her fairy tale ending.

Her husband went off and stole millions of dollars from people she considered "friends." Well, friends in the loosest connotation. She didn't have any friends here, where everyone rejoiced in her and Jimmy's demise. Another bites the dust and they move up the social ladder. Even if she hated everyone in Newport, how could _he _do such a deplorable thing? These were his people. He grew up with them, _she_ was the outsider. But she had fit in with the Newport crowd better than he ever had. Still, she couldn't understand his actions for the life of her. Sure, she was a woman who would do anything to get what she wanted, but something that could potentially embarrass her family and get them thrown out on their asses? She didn't think she could sink that low. And something that could land her in jail for the majority of her child bearing years? Orange would clash with her hair and polyester jumpsuits were so out.

He compromised everything they ever had by stealing that money. Worst of all, he blamed his actions on her and their daughters, citing that they always wanted more then he could provide. Please, that was a cop out if she'd ever heard one. She didn't make him do anything. He could have told her no, but Jimmy had never been the strong type who voiced his opinions. He was the weak one in their relationship, she made sure of it. After years of seeing her father talk down to her mother and reduce her to nothing, Julie had promised herself that she would be in control, wherever she ended up. But back in those dusty summer days, when she used to dream of a better life, while her father belittled her mother on the other side of their home, Julie had never dreamed she would end up in Newport. She never dreamed that life could be so different than what she knew.

But she ended up there, and tried to become the uber-Newpsie, gossiping, keeping up with society. She raised two daughters for him. She kept up their household, cooking and overseeing that everything was in its place. She dressed them, she made sure things worked, all she asked for was a little financial stability. That's all he had to do.

But he lost everything. Their home, their friends, their reputation. It was another low point in a life that was already filled to the brim with disappointment for her. It was just another disappointment to add to the mix.

She filed for divorce. Big deal, lots of people do it all the time. She told herself that she didn't really care at all, but she did. The man she had been married to for almost 17 years was a criminal, but they had been married for so long. And deep down, Julie felt indebted to him for taking her away from that godforsaken place. But her pride won the internal battle in the end. She would've rather lost out on love than on her social status. There was no way she could ever lose that. She fought too hard to obtain it in the first place. A divorce alone could have ruined any other woman, but Julie wasn't like the other spineless Newpsies out there. The divorce hardly phased her at all, or so she thought. She thought she was trading Jimmy in like she traded cars. Except that as a result of being married to him, she had no car left to trade.

But one blow came after the other. First was the downfall of her marriage, then came the troubles with Marissa. What a mess. Julie wondered where she went wrong with her eldest. She hadn't actually gone wrong with her at all--it was that kid from Chino who did it. Before he arrived, Marissa had been happy with her life, content with Luke and with society. She was concerned with her clothes and with school, but she was a good kid. But as soon as Ryan arrived, she had almost refused to go to cotillion, overdosed on pills, and brought a psychopath who almost killed her into their lives. It was obvious that Marissa got her judgment genes from Jimmy. And now she was back on the bottle, now that the punk had gone back to Chino. Julie wasn't stupid. She kept an eye on her daughter. Marissa looked terrible all the time, frazzled. Her clothes smelled of liquor. She didn't even attempt to hide the fact that she had not been eating for awhile. Chino and Luke leaving, one after the other had been too much for her. Losing two loves was always worse than losing one.

Luke had been a mistake. Julie had never meant it to go as far as it did. But it did, and she was now paying for it. She had enjoyed attentions coming from a younger man…err…kid. It made her feel wanted, and not by some old business man who was older than her father. She had never thought anyone would find out, or maybe she wanted them to find out, so she could be gossip fodder again. Regardless, she knew that she never wanted to intentionally hurt her daughter, but it had happened. And Marissa had become more of a wreck because of it.

She guessed she should have seen this coming. Even though she was a good kid, Marissa had been a handful from the day she was conceived. All her life, Marissa always had a flair for the dramatic and the downright stupid. That's how she got her way, so she stuck with it. When she was younger, she threw the worst tantrums Julie had ever seen. She would always go crying to Daddy, who would give her whatever she wanted. If he wanted to blame anyone for overindulging his daughters, he could blame himself. She was an impossibly difficult child. If she wanted something she got it. And if she didn't, she'd threaten to runaway until she got it. But even in those days, she and Marissa got along just fine. Only when her daughter hit puberty did everything begin to spin out of control. She spat back retorts to her mother and had no regard for anything. She was Queen Marissa in her head, and there was not enough room for two divas in the Cooper household. She just became so petulant, and Julie couldn't figure out why. They gave their daughters everything. Julie grew up with nothing--she didn't get how anyone could be troubled if they had never had any hardship to deal with. Marissa didn't know how it felt to have parents who violently passed their anger onto their kids. She didn't know how it felt to have a father whose alcoholism placed his family in danger night after night. She didn't know the feeling of hiding her little sister in the closet, so that their mother wouldn't beat the shit out of her. Julie tried to understand, but ended up pushing her daughter further and further down a path of depression.

And it never seemed to get better. Marissa had struggled with an eating disorder in middle school, but Julie thought that was over. But she was looking painfully thin again. Everyone already thought she was a terrible mother, what would they think now? Marissa's problems worried her, but there were other issues Julie had to deal with.

This time around, she had to worry about more than just Marissa. Kaitlyn was growing up more and more like the diva her sister was. Every minute, she was asking about that stupid horse or some stupid new fad that all her friends had, and that she had to have too. And what really scared Julie was while all the other drama was happening, Kaitlyn was left more to herself, without much supervision. Julie had no idea what was going on in her daughter's life, except that she asked for copious amounts of money and trips to the mall. Julie hoped that was all, and that Kaitlyn wasn't getting into drugs or drinking yet. Drinking had gotten Julie into this mess in the first place.

If she hadn't been drunk, she wouldn't have met Jimmy Cooper at that frat party. If she hadn't been drunk, she would have never slept with him. Who was she kidding? Yes she would have. She could spot his frat boy type from miles away. She could tell her came from money, when all her skanky friends just thought he was an uptight, golf-playing loser. They didn't know any better. They were all probably happy with their miserably bleak lives, ending up just as screwed up as their parents had been. But by a stroke of luck, she had met her ticket out of that cyclic hellhole.

By chance they had ended up crashing the Tau Kappa Epsilon party after a wild night in LA. She couldn't remember how she got there, but she remembered how she got home the next morning. It had been special to her, that first time. He treated her like a real woman, not like the piece of trash she always thought she was. Whereas her other partners had been all about drunken flings in the backseats of their I-Rocs, Jimmy had been classier. He had actually turned down her advances, saying that she was too drunk. He hadn't wanted to take advantage of her. But she knew what she was doing, and spent the night with him.

When they woke up, he had offered her a ride home, since her friends had left hours before. And when they got back to the mobile home she shared with her mom and her siblings, he had given her the surprise of her life, and asked her on a date. She couldn't believe it. Jimmy Cooper, the vice president of his frat, asked her out. Most of the time, she was lucky if she got a goodbye, nevertheless a date. But it wasn't like that with Jimmy. She knew this could be her chance. She could leave this shithole of a life forever. Jimmy was a great catch for a nobody like her. So she threw out her line and snared him. He never saw it coming. If she had never met him, her life would have been a million times worse. She would be stuck in the trailer park, having the washed up quarterback's five kids with no hope of ever seeing the world or anything outside of Riverside. It was a blessing that she got pregnant. And it was even better that Jimmy had a conscience back then, and not left the poor girl from Riverside to rot in hell alone with his child. He proposed and they got married in Las Vegas. She was genuinely happy then. It was the moment her life was most stable. She was in love, she had a husband who cared about her, and a child on the way. She should've known it wouldn't last.

Especially since he was in love with someone else. Julie hated Kirsten Nichol before she ever met her. All Jimmy talked about was how smart she was, how nice she was, and how beautiful she was. Kirsten was all academic bowls and debutante balls. Julie was all Def Leppard concerts in Anaheim and monster truck rallies by the river. There was nothing wrong with Anaheim or the river, but Kirsten would never be caught dead there--unless she was going to some Peter Frampton concert at the Pond or something. Gag. Kirsten was the ultimate Newport Beach yuppie, and the fact that he loved that made Julie sick. Sure, he complimented her more, but when he talked about his ex-girlfriend Kirsten, his face glowed. He had pictures of her everywhere. She tried to not let it bother her, but it always did. Kirsten was always in Jimmy's mind. She could do no wrong. Julie wanted to picture her as some atrocious beast, but knew she wasn't. When Kirsten came back into town, with a public defender husband she had met while at Berkeley, Julie had hoped that Jimmy would get over it. But he didn't. She would always play second fiddle to Kirsten Cohen. Fortunately, by the time Kirsten returned, they had already been married for four years. And Kirsten had a son of her own. She was madly in love with her husband, Sandy, an uncouth lawyer from the Bronx. Julie hated him the moment she first saw him, because she saw shades of herself in him. They grew up in similar backgrounds. Julie didn't like being reminded of her youth very often. She didn't like how, with one glance, Sandy could pick her apart and make her feel vulnerable. Because, he knew, that she didn't really belong, just like he didn't belong in their world.

She had always hated him. She hated him more when he brought that delinquent from Chino into their lives. Who did that? Taking some criminal in from the street. Ryan reminded her too much of her life. She knew dozens of boys like that when she was young, but she wasn't stupid enough to be entrapped by one. Marissa was dooming herself if she kept following him around. He'd already gotten one girl pregnant that they knew of. He could only be trouble.

Even with all those recent events, Julie thought her life was turning around. Chino was gone, so was Kirsten's annoying son who always tried to one up her. That meant the Cohens were out of her hair. Luke moved with Carson up to Portland, so she didn't have to deal with that anymore. She was free to live with her new husband as she pleased. She was high off of the excitement of the wedding and honeymoon, and was floating on air. She was married to the richest man in Newport! Life was good again. No, life was great again. New gigantic house, new show worthy husband, new convertible that she could buy a new wardrobe to match. As early as last week, she had convinced Marissa to come shopping with her and Kaitlyn. Things were looking better. Julie knew better than to expect happiness. She just didn't know her happiness would crumble so fast.

Caleb was broke. He had declared bankruptcy. He was in jail for almost the same thing Jimmy did. It was Jimmy 2: the shittier sequel. The worse part was that Jimmy got to laugh his ass off on the sidelines, while fucking Caleb's daughter. That bitch. Jimmy got the girls back, since he was more financially sound at this point. That killed her. She wanted to wipe that stupid smile off his face every time she saw him. The next time she would.

Now Julie sat here in the Cohens' guestroom, contemplating her next move. Maybe she was getting everything she deserved. She was destined to have a crappy life, wherever she went. If she had stayed in Riverside and accepted her role, maybe she would have been content with driving a minivan and going to PTA meetings instead of going to galas on fancy yachts.

Maybe not.

She could do things to change this. She opened her purse and looked at the contents. The glint of silver caught her eye. She removed the cool metal toy and felt its power in her hand. Her father had always kept a gun in their home, mainly because sometimes he'd be gone for days, god knows where. He had taught her to use it when she was in middle school. She remembered his voice clearly, even though she hadn't seen the man in almost 20 years. _Remember, Jules, if you or your mom or sisters are ever in trouble, I was you to use this gun. Use it for protection. _She could remember still touching that first handgun and letting it weigh in her hand. It made her feel powerful. More powerful.

She always kept one in the home, hidden from Jimmy and the girls. It was one of the things that she never told anyone about. She took a drink from her glass tumbler. It was just like Kirsten to keep this house stocked full of liquor. She wasn't thinking clearly. All she knew was that her husband was in jail, her daughter was an alcoholic and that they wouldn't be in this mess had Jimmy hadn't fucked them all over. And now he came out smelling like a rose because he had money and a second chance. When was her second chance coming--she felt she was entitled to one. Life just hadn't been fair.

She slid the gun back into her tiny purse and let the last drops of scotch hit her lips. She was ready. She walked out of the house, and into her car. It probably wasn't a good idea to be driving, but Julie was beyond impaired to think about her actions. She was driven by some kind of dizziness, but not because of the alcohol. She didn't want to think about where she was. No money, no home, nothing. Not even a family to help take care of her. She was not going back to Riverside, that was for sure. Seeing her sister at the bridal shower had been enough of a reminder that she didn't belong there. Cyndi was a chain smoking, trashy slut. She worked in a bar, where she'd routinely pick up random men. That was not going to happen to Julie. Her days teasing her hair with tons of hairspray and wearing acid washed anything were over.

But she didn't belong here either. She didn't belong anywhere. She reached her destination, and knocked on the door. He opened the door, and looked surprised to see her. A smile played on his lips, and she fought the urge to pull out the gun and off him right there.

"Pleasant surprise, Jules."

"Save it, Jimmy. Are the girls home?" her words were slurred, and he looked at her with concern.

"No, you know they're at school. Have you been drinking? I mean, Christ, it's only 9 AM." She pushed past him and walked over to the couch. She plopped down with a thud, and suddenly she felt a lot more confident. She looked around, the bachelor pad was a little bit messy, and it smelt of burnt toast, but it was cute and tough all at once. It was just like Jimmy.

"Where's your girlfriend?" she sneered, not letting her disdain for the girl be hidden by any pretense.

"Visiting your husband in jail." She glared at him, but he hadn't meant the comment to hurt.

"Well, you must me enjoying this, aren't you James? First I divorce one criminal, just to get stuck with another. I bet you're turning cartwheels."

He didn't say anything, he could never come back with anything more biting than her comments. "What are you doing here?" It was now or never. She opened up her purse and took out the gun. He looked confused at first, but then he realized what she was doing. A look of terror flashed across his face, but his body would not allow him to do anything about it. He was frozen, like a deer in the headlights of her monster truck. She pointed it at him, the sun reflected off the metal and hit her eyes. Everything was slow. There was silence.

Jimmy prayed for his life because he knew what Julie was capable of, but he just didn't know if she had the balls enough to pull the trigger. She was a lot of things, but he didn't think she could kill anyone.

Her vision was blurry, and his form danced around in front of her, taunting her. Seeing if she could catch him with her bullet.

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It's a good year for a murder

She's praying to Jesus, she's pulling the trigger

There's no tears, because he's not here

She washes her hands and she fixes the dinner

And soon they'll be coming to rush her away

No one's so sure if her crime had a reason

Reasons like seasons

They constantly change

And the seasons of last year

Like reasons have floated away

Away with this spilt milk

Away with this dirty dishwater, away

Seventeen years and all that he gave was a daughter

"It's me and moon," she says

"And I've got no trouble with that

I am a butterfly, but you wouldn't let me die

It's me and the moon," she says

And it's over, just started

The blood stained the carpet

Her heart like a crystal

She's lucid and departed

A life left behind, she can find in her mind gone away

Away with these nightmares

Away with suburbia shakedown, away

You marry a role

You give up your soul, do you break down?

"It's me and moon," she says

"And I've got no trouble with that

I am a butterfly, but you wouldn't let me die

It's me and the moon," she says

But what do you say we go for a ride?

What do you say we get high?

But I'm so tired of days that feel like the nights

"It's me and moon," she says

"And I've got no trouble with that

I am a butterfly, but you wouldn't let me die

I am a butterfly, you wouldn't let me die

I am a butterfly, I am a butterfly."

I am a butterfly…

She envisioned his body crumpled on the floor, and suddenly she didn't feel so well. Her knees buckled and her throat was dry. She couldn't go through with this. Jimmy still stood, staring at her, waiting for her to make her move. She let her arm drop abruptly, letting the gun point down towards the ground. What had she been thinking? She could never kill Jimmy, she loved him too much. After all he had done to them, she still loved the asshole. Julie Cooper, the cold as ice bitch, loved him. She wasn't supposed to love anyone. She was miserable. Jimmy breathed a sigh of relief, but did not approach her. He didn't know what to do or say. She watched him, breathing in and out, taking deep breaths. He was scared, and so was she.

She drew the gun back up and pointed it at herself. Another look of panic passed across his face. She wouldn't do it. She couldn't. His concern was genuine. She could see that--if it had been anyone else, her daughter, or Caleb, would they be really concerned? Or would they let her pull the trigger like nothing had happened.

"Jules, don't do this." She shook her head at him, and realized that she had been crying, as the droplets landed on her skin.

"I won't go back there, Jimmy. I won't go back." Her voice was strong, she didn't know where that was coming from, she had a gun to her head.

"Go back where? No one's making you go anywhere. We're going to figure this out--don't worry, we'll get through this, like we've gotten through everything else. Now, give me the gun--you know you don't want to hurt yourself." She began to waver, and almost let it drop, but pulled it back into place.

"Why won't you let me do this? I deserve this, Jimmy. After everything, just let me do this."

"Julie, we may not have ended on the best terms, but I still love you. We were married for 17 years. You don't just stop loving someone you've shared your life with for that long--you know that. I know you do. I know you feel it. I'm worried about you, but we'll deal with this. Just give me the gun." She shook her head no. Her finger squeezed the trigger.

Click. Click.

Nothing.

She crumpled into a heap beside the sofa. Jimmy ran over and wrestled the gun from her grasp. He checked the barrel. No bullets. She sat there crying, while he hugged her. He patted her hair, and realized that she was just a vulnerable little girl. One whom he tried to save, but still needed saving. He shushed her cries and they sat together like that for longer than they both could remember. And when their daughters came home, they would be surprised to see their parents, still sitting together on the floor of his apartment. They would be surprised to see their mother in shambles. They had never seen her out of control. As they ate dinner as a family, they would be surprised to hear that their mother was going to be checking herself into that facility in San Diego. Marissa and Kaitlyn would be genuinely concerned with their mother, and feel bad that they were part of her nervous breakdown. Julie would stay the night, and it would be like old times--they would all be under the same roof, as a family.

And when she got out of this godforsaken facility, she would be the Julie Cooper-Nichol she was before. But this time around, she'd be trying to change her luck. This might not have been her year, but she could only try and make the next one better.

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Me and the Moon by Something Corporate


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